Brayden's Blessing Day

During the last week of March, some of each of our families came into town to be here for Brayden's blessing day, March 27th, 2011. It was a beautiful day shared with our family and a few close friends. Brent and I felt lucky to be surrounded by so many that we love and that we know love us!

Brent gave Brayden a beautiful blessing and I will never forget the spirit that was felt during it.. a humbling, and wonderful experience for sure. I had so many emotions that weekend. We had Brent's parents and both of his brother's in town. I loved seeing Brent with his brothers (we missed you, Randi) and it made me miss them and their families. Even though we haven't lived by family for five years it is still hard to be away and we are so far south from any of them! I missed my sisters with my parents being here, and my Grandpa was able to come with my parents, and it made me miss my Grandma who passed away last October. I felt like she was with us all weekend, though. It's a blessing to have family visit because it brings you back to your roots and helps remind me that I want to bring my children up in the wonderful way that our parents brought us up in. I will say, Brent and I have some pretty amazing roots.

After church, we had 35 people over to our house for lunch. I went against the rules and asked people to help bring food. Who came up with the rule that the mother who had the baby should put on a big luncheon for everyone anyway? :) My Mom and mother-in-law also did most of the work so THANK YOU and thank you to you friends who brought amazing food, also.

I had searched for months to find a boy blessing outfit I really loved and was not successful as everything seemed tacky or silly. Four days before the big day I found something on Amazon of all places and paid $30 in shipping to assure it would arrive on time. Totally normal to do that, right??? Well I don't care because this outfit was worth any amount! When I saw the little sailor collar, I knew I'd love it. It is cute and babyish but classic all in one. My brothers-in-law made fun of it for about two seconds before I set them straight telling them that nautical is totally "in." We did not have him wear the hat for anything other than a few pictures... but really. I don't think I have seen a more handsome baby boy.

Brayden and Brooke with Guerisoli Grandparents



Great Grandpa Belnap with Brooke and Brayden

Sister and Brother

Brooke and her Uncle Rick

Yummy lunch and food (snickerdoodle and cookie dough cupcakes not pictured)

4 BG's

Olivia and Brooke

Father and son

Us with our families that came for the blessing

Grammie Lou and Brayden

Great Grandpa Belnap and Brayden

Guerisoli Fam

After all we went through in getting pregnant with Brayden, to finally have him here is inexplicable joy... to me, Brent, and Brooke. We are privileged to have him in our home and he is truly a miracle from Heavenly Father! A few other feelings and thoughts regarding Brayden and his birth...

Childbirth and the weeks following a baby's birth are difficult. I feel like I particularly don't bring children into this world very gracefully, per se. I have wondered so many times what it would be like and how it would feel to be pregnant and have a baby without the significant health problems that I experience. Defninitely still not easy but maybe easier than what I know through my own experience.

Four weeks and two days after Brayden was born, I woke up at 6 a.m. to feed him. As I got out of bed, my body felt different and ached with every move. I somehow picked Brayden up and hobbled to the couch in the family room to feed him, cringing with every step. "Here it is," I thought. The arthritic flare-up that came with Brooke was making it's appearance with Brayden, and around the exact same time postpartum. Because my symptoms had finally improved once I quit nursing Brooke at 7 months old and the flare-up this time was much much worse (Rheumatoid arthritis has a snowball effect), I knew that that day I had to quit nursing Brayden, and go on medication within a few days.

My plan was always to nurse for a very short amount of time and wean him to formula over a few weeks, but I had to make a decision fast. The decision was easy once I realized that I could either walk and not breastfeed or breastfeed my baby and not walk very well at all. But if only the decision were that easy when you are still very hormonal postpartum. I nursed him for the last time that morning and then waited it out. Ultimately it took a month for my milk to dry up but over the next 72 hours, I went through pretty severe physical and emotional pain from stopping nursing cold turkey. A sister and sister-in-law told me that the first 24 hours would be the hardest and they were right. I remember balling through giving him the first bottle of formula. I felt so guilty and so terrible and worried that my baby would never be as healthy as a breast-milk fed baby or that he wouldn't be bonded to me. My husband and family didn't know what in the world to do so comforting words were what they gave. Ward members took Brooke for days at a time and brought in another set of meals for the next week.

I often wondered why this was necessary for me and our family to go through... and I still wonder it. But I also know that God has a plan. I won't share all that went on in our home and in my mind at that time because some of it is too personal but I know and can say that we are watched over in our infirmities and there is always something we are supposed to learn. Three days after I quit nursing, my symptoms had somewhat improved, nowhere near where I wanted to feel but atleast I could walk alright. We went to my doctor and I began the route of medication that very well may last the rest of my life. I am on strong medications that supress my immune system, two of which are shots that Brent has to give to me. RA is a disease where your immune system is hyperactive and attacks itself through attacking the joints. By suppressing the immune system with medication, it will hopefully supress my symptoms. But it also makes me very susceptible to colds or any infections not to mention the long lists of scary side effects. This has been hard to swallow, to say the least.

I have a very different body now than I had even a year ago and definitely 5 years ago. In all honesty, there are many things that I cannot do such as run, sit on the ground or kneel. These things are hard to deal with but they are not everything. Also, when my flare-up came, the doctor put me on high doses of steroids for two weeks to try to control it. In those few weeks, I put back on all the weight I had just lost from having a baby and also came out of it with a much rounder face which is a common side effect of steroid use (as evidenced by recent pictures of me on the blog). I wish I could say it was from eating too much chocolate cake because that would have been a lot more fun! It has been hard and I don't like the extra weight, and I mostly don't like not recognizing my face or body when I look in the mirrow. BUT, it is NOT everything.

We are 3 months removed from all of this happening and Brayden is 4 months old. These medications take up to 6 months before they can reach their full effect and we are still waiting for that. For now, we take every day as it comes and when I am tired and don't feel well, I crash while Brent picks up the slack. On the days that I get a burst of energy, I run around like a crazy woman getting as much done as I possibly can. Life is hard and EVERYONE has trials and difficulty. I am sure most everyone who is reading already knows that it's all about your attitude and perspective and what you do with what you learn in trials. I am still learning this and have much to learn. But I have more to be grateful for and happy about than ever before. Brent and I celebrated seven years of marriage yesterday and our life is beautiful, and we are full of faith for a wonderful future. And even through the most difficult parts of bringing a child into this world, and all it has made me experience physically, I can still say that I would go back and do the entire 10 months of a difficult pregnancy and everything postpartum again just to get Brayden here. He is that much of a blessing to us and I am grateful that he is here to bring me joy and to spiritually refine me as a person and mother. I don't care if it sounds cliche, I feel that this little boy may just be an angel on earth.

Never again will I say that baby boys are scary... although... ask me again when he turns two!! :)

p.s. Please do not think I am looking for sympathy in this post. I share my raw feelings as they are for me which maybe some disagree with but it's just how I do it!