Brayden's Blessing Day

During the last week of March, some of each of our families came into town to be here for Brayden's blessing day, March 27th, 2011. It was a beautiful day shared with our family and a few close friends. Brent and I felt lucky to be surrounded by so many that we love and that we know love us!

Brent gave Brayden a beautiful blessing and I will never forget the spirit that was felt during it.. a humbling, and wonderful experience for sure. I had so many emotions that weekend. We had Brent's parents and both of his brother's in town. I loved seeing Brent with his brothers (we missed you, Randi) and it made me miss them and their families. Even though we haven't lived by family for five years it is still hard to be away and we are so far south from any of them! I missed my sisters with my parents being here, and my Grandpa was able to come with my parents, and it made me miss my Grandma who passed away last October. I felt like she was with us all weekend, though. It's a blessing to have family visit because it brings you back to your roots and helps remind me that I want to bring my children up in the wonderful way that our parents brought us up in. I will say, Brent and I have some pretty amazing roots.

After church, we had 35 people over to our house for lunch. I went against the rules and asked people to help bring food. Who came up with the rule that the mother who had the baby should put on a big luncheon for everyone anyway? :) My Mom and mother-in-law also did most of the work so THANK YOU and thank you to you friends who brought amazing food, also.

I had searched for months to find a boy blessing outfit I really loved and was not successful as everything seemed tacky or silly. Four days before the big day I found something on Amazon of all places and paid $30 in shipping to assure it would arrive on time. Totally normal to do that, right??? Well I don't care because this outfit was worth any amount! When I saw the little sailor collar, I knew I'd love it. It is cute and babyish but classic all in one. My brothers-in-law made fun of it for about two seconds before I set them straight telling them that nautical is totally "in." We did not have him wear the hat for anything other than a few pictures... but really. I don't think I have seen a more handsome baby boy.

Brayden and Brooke with Guerisoli Grandparents



Great Grandpa Belnap with Brooke and Brayden

Sister and Brother

Brooke and her Uncle Rick

Yummy lunch and food (snickerdoodle and cookie dough cupcakes not pictured)

4 BG's

Olivia and Brooke

Father and son

Us with our families that came for the blessing

Grammie Lou and Brayden

Great Grandpa Belnap and Brayden

Guerisoli Fam

After all we went through in getting pregnant with Brayden, to finally have him here is inexplicable joy... to me, Brent, and Brooke. We are privileged to have him in our home and he is truly a miracle from Heavenly Father! A few other feelings and thoughts regarding Brayden and his birth...

Childbirth and the weeks following a baby's birth are difficult. I feel like I particularly don't bring children into this world very gracefully, per se. I have wondered so many times what it would be like and how it would feel to be pregnant and have a baby without the significant health problems that I experience. Defninitely still not easy but maybe easier than what I know through my own experience.

Four weeks and two days after Brayden was born, I woke up at 6 a.m. to feed him. As I got out of bed, my body felt different and ached with every move. I somehow picked Brayden up and hobbled to the couch in the family room to feed him, cringing with every step. "Here it is," I thought. The arthritic flare-up that came with Brooke was making it's appearance with Brayden, and around the exact same time postpartum. Because my symptoms had finally improved once I quit nursing Brooke at 7 months old and the flare-up this time was much much worse (Rheumatoid arthritis has a snowball effect), I knew that that day I had to quit nursing Brayden, and go on medication within a few days.

My plan was always to nurse for a very short amount of time and wean him to formula over a few weeks, but I had to make a decision fast. The decision was easy once I realized that I could either walk and not breastfeed or breastfeed my baby and not walk very well at all. But if only the decision were that easy when you are still very hormonal postpartum. I nursed him for the last time that morning and then waited it out. Ultimately it took a month for my milk to dry up but over the next 72 hours, I went through pretty severe physical and emotional pain from stopping nursing cold turkey. A sister and sister-in-law told me that the first 24 hours would be the hardest and they were right. I remember balling through giving him the first bottle of formula. I felt so guilty and so terrible and worried that my baby would never be as healthy as a breast-milk fed baby or that he wouldn't be bonded to me. My husband and family didn't know what in the world to do so comforting words were what they gave. Ward members took Brooke for days at a time and brought in another set of meals for the next week.

I often wondered why this was necessary for me and our family to go through... and I still wonder it. But I also know that God has a plan. I won't share all that went on in our home and in my mind at that time because some of it is too personal but I know and can say that we are watched over in our infirmities and there is always something we are supposed to learn. Three days after I quit nursing, my symptoms had somewhat improved, nowhere near where I wanted to feel but atleast I could walk alright. We went to my doctor and I began the route of medication that very well may last the rest of my life. I am on strong medications that supress my immune system, two of which are shots that Brent has to give to me. RA is a disease where your immune system is hyperactive and attacks itself through attacking the joints. By suppressing the immune system with medication, it will hopefully supress my symptoms. But it also makes me very susceptible to colds or any infections not to mention the long lists of scary side effects. This has been hard to swallow, to say the least.

I have a very different body now than I had even a year ago and definitely 5 years ago. In all honesty, there are many things that I cannot do such as run, sit on the ground or kneel. These things are hard to deal with but they are not everything. Also, when my flare-up came, the doctor put me on high doses of steroids for two weeks to try to control it. In those few weeks, I put back on all the weight I had just lost from having a baby and also came out of it with a much rounder face which is a common side effect of steroid use (as evidenced by recent pictures of me on the blog). I wish I could say it was from eating too much chocolate cake because that would have been a lot more fun! It has been hard and I don't like the extra weight, and I mostly don't like not recognizing my face or body when I look in the mirrow. BUT, it is NOT everything.

We are 3 months removed from all of this happening and Brayden is 4 months old. These medications take up to 6 months before they can reach their full effect and we are still waiting for that. For now, we take every day as it comes and when I am tired and don't feel well, I crash while Brent picks up the slack. On the days that I get a burst of energy, I run around like a crazy woman getting as much done as I possibly can. Life is hard and EVERYONE has trials and difficulty. I am sure most everyone who is reading already knows that it's all about your attitude and perspective and what you do with what you learn in trials. I am still learning this and have much to learn. But I have more to be grateful for and happy about than ever before. Brent and I celebrated seven years of marriage yesterday and our life is beautiful, and we are full of faith for a wonderful future. And even through the most difficult parts of bringing a child into this world, and all it has made me experience physically, I can still say that I would go back and do the entire 10 months of a difficult pregnancy and everything postpartum again just to get Brayden here. He is that much of a blessing to us and I am grateful that he is here to bring me joy and to spiritually refine me as a person and mother. I don't care if it sounds cliche, I feel that this little boy may just be an angel on earth.

Never again will I say that baby boys are scary... although... ask me again when he turns two!! :)

p.s. Please do not think I am looking for sympathy in this post. I share my raw feelings as they are for me which maybe some disagree with but it's just how I do it!

Paying Tribute

During the 4 weeks after Brayden's birth, we had visitors.. family, namely, to come and help out. And let me just say their help, love, support and service was 100% needed and appreciated. Because I had called my Mom when my water broke, she was on alert and made arrangments to fly to San Antonio that night. I'm so lucky to have the supportive parents that I do. I know that they would do absolutely anything for me and my family. When my Mom walked into the hospital room that night, I felt so much relief! There's something about having a baby (maybe it's just me) that just makes you want and need your mommy. She was able to stay until the morning of Christmas Eve. She had to fly home to be with my dad and meg for Christmas, of course, and then we were even more lucky to have her come back 10 days later. She took turns with Brent staying at the hospital and our 2nd night there, Bray was still in the NICU. So she was wheeling me in there every two hours in the middle of the night to feed him along with washing the pumping supplies in between. She took care of Brooke and kept her happy and provided a great deal of emotional support to me during many emotional breakdowns in the hospital and at home. (I don't keep my emotions in tact post baby very well!) It's hard to even describe and adequately thank her for all she did for us during this time but it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it! When we got home from the hospital, there was SO MUCH TO DO. Nothing was ready, remember? There were piles of stuff that she organized, we washed loads and loads of baby clothes, organized them and put them away... things were in chaos at our house and she pulled everything together. Among all of that she left us on Christmas Eve with a clean house (from top to bottom), laundry done, and a stocked fridge full of food and treats fit for the holidays. I felt so so grateful. Thank you, MOM. And thank you DAD for letting her and arranging for her to come out twice. The 2nd time she came out was no different. She took care of Brooke all day long, held Bray when I needed to sleep, made us all of our meals, made a ton of freezer meals and muffins to freeze for breakfast, all while keeping the mood light and airy (I'm emotional remember? More on this later...). I hope to be half of the Mother that my Mom is to Brooke when she has a baby. Because I was always either sleeping or nursing and the visitors were always helping and working, I didn't take a lot of pictures while they were all here but I did take some.

I love this of Brayden and Mom and can't believe how jaundice he looks.

This is out of order... After my Mom left the 2nd time, my sis, Meag came out for 5 days. She was able to do this because of waiting to go on her mission. And because we couldn't make it for her farewell, we were so happy to see her and spend that time. Before my Mom went home, she said, "don't expect Meag to be like me." Meaning to keep my expectations low for how much Meagan would help.. hahaha. But she well exceeded my expectations. The time that she was here happened to be a really difficult time for me physically and Meag stepped up to the plate doing pretty much everything my Momma does so I guess she proved my Mom wrong! Sorry, Mom. Yay, Meag! She's on her mission now... been in the MTC for 2 weeks!


Brooke, Meagan, Brayden - January 2011


Love this of Brooke and my Mom. Such a fun picture to always have and remember that time with. Brooke loved getting pampered and having her hair done just like Grammie Lou's.


A few days after Christmas and before my Mom came back, Brent's parents came into town. The morning after they arrived, Vicki went straight to work taking down and putting away all of our Christmas decor, and Kirt kept Brooke completely occupied from sun up until sun down. This is quite a feat if you know our little Brookie. :) It was so so so nice to not have to worry about Brooke or keeping things clean. They kept us fed, and kept the house clean and stayed with the kids twice so Brent and I could get some time away. And some people may shy away from their mother in law doing their laundry but mine just happens to do it very well and claims she loves doing it. I don't know if I believe her (who loves doing laundry?) but I'll take it!

Kirt, Vicki, Brooke, and Brayden - December 2010

"Papa Soli" playing on the floor with Brooke. I love this picture and will always remember that he spent hours every day keeping her entertained like this.

Thank you, dear family for everything you did to help us out. We love all of you.

Pregnancy... for me.. and US

Wow. It really feels like it's been a while since I've actually posted and something really substantial. Why? So, yeah, we're pregnant! Fatigue and exhaustion have consumed me for the past 12 weeks, and really since I came home from the hospital in March. And just for the record, I didn't end up ever having the colonoscopy to figure out what was going on with me because I found out I was pregnant and who wants to have one of those without sedation? Brent and Brooke have handled it really well, as I plop down on the couch after dinner because making dinner (if I actually really did "cook" that night) makes me tired. I keep wondering and reflecting back on what a normal level of energy feels like! ha! Will I ever have that again? Why am I so tired? I suppose the mixture of my arthritis mixed with pregnancy.... well, my body just doesn't seem to handle both at the same time very well. I won't sugarcoat it and I will say that it is really challenging. I was diagnosed while pregnant with Brooke making that pregnancy difficult but nowhere near the difficulty that has made itself known this time. I will even tell you that I look at and listen to other pregnant women who may complain about a swollen foot or a little backpain, and I think to myself, "Oh, girl... you have no idea." I know, sounds pretty rude of me, huh? Sorry. But, I'm not looking for sympathy and here's why:

It took us 16 months to get pregnant with this baby. This process was grueling, humbling, and life-changing. The day I found out the reality of an actual embryo growing inside of me was a day of, or rather a moment of every single emotion that I had felt the past 16 months pouring out of me. It was very cathartic and my heart had healed itself from the monthly pain and dissapointment of a negative test to something my body finally proved itself capable to do. There, I said it and exposed something very personal. They were 16 very long and hard months, and I know many people who have endured the process for even longer. The process that one goes through in trying to have a baby and being unsuccessful is a unique one. A process that is only understood by those who have been through it themselves, and if any of you have done it or are going through it now, I commend you.

There is something to be said about patience and endurance. In this process I (and Brent... but more me) went through a series of stages with how I approached it, the way I saw it, who I felt was responsible. etc. Anger, frustration, jealousy, hope, charity, and faith were all emotions and frames of mind I found myself in. And I think it was natural for me to feel all of those things but I will say that I didn't try to make it any easier on myself. Without being too personal, I want to share what happened those last few months of the "trying" process. As some may know, I was in the hospital in March. This complicated the process of trying to get pregnant because we didn't know what was even going on with my intestinal tract. We were told we had to have the colonoscopy and I just wanted to get to that point, have it over with and hopefully be able to still try. But the fact that we had to wait 6 weeks past the time that I was in the hospital was testing my patience. All of the doctors I was seeing encouraged that we actually not try at least until I had the colonoscopy. After coming home from the hospital in March, I was doing very well for about two weeks and then the arthritis returned with a fiery vengeance. You see, this was making the trying period that much more difficult because I couldn't be on any arthritis medications while we were trying and in the past 16 months I have had some irreversable joint damage. So, when this "flareup" came in April, we were both very discouraged and felt as though time was against us in every way, or that we didn't have time to wait and keep trying. After much of my own prayer, Brent came home from work and I told him we needed to talk and make a decision about what we were going to do. I told him that my body and joints were in such a difficult position that I couldn't do it anymore and I had reached the point of having enough. We made a decision. We would try to get pregnant one more time. We would petition Heavenly Father in fasting and prayer, with the help of our families and ask for this righteous desire to be granted. We were scared and probably lacked a lot of faith. We knew that if it did not happen, then it was time for me to go on medication and take care of my body and possibly try again in two or three more years. With all the unknown of what was going on with my intestines, we knew that if pregnancy was the result that month, then it truly would be an act of God, and that everything would be okay, even if the colonoscopy didn't happen. The day after we got home from our South Padre Island trip, I found myself laying down and sleeping much more often than normal, and decided while Brooke was napping to go and take the test. After seeing the two pink lines, I though I must have been dreaming. How could two finally show up after so long of only seeing one? I took a picture, sent it to my Mom, and asked her if she saw the same thing. I couldn't believe it when she said she did. So, I was pregnant and confirmed it through blood work a few days later.

We received a great and wonderful blessing and both felt compelled to great humility. Prayers are not always answered the way we want or hope for and this prayer had been. He had blessed and guided us through the process and things made sense and were more clear as to why it happened when it did. It has become apparent to me that we are not in charge of our lives. The daily details and agency to make decisions are our own charge, but the grander scheme and perspective and plan for our life is not our own. It is our Heavenly Father's plan for us that is the better and higher way, as it can give us more happiness than we plan for ourselves with our earthly and mortal knowledge. If you asked me if there was one thing that changed for me that last month, there was something. My will was finally 100% turned over and submitted to the Lord. What was to happen was no longer in my hands, and I could not control any more than I already had. If that was the one lesson I needed to learn in this process, then it was certainly learned and I have gratitude to God. I am excited and grateful I can do this for the 2nd time, and one thing's for sure, this baby will be very loved by all three of us.

Thanks for reading my very personal story... AND for your congratulatory messages.

Oh. And baby is due January 15th!

Today, I am Grateful

for the two most important people in my life.

Brent and I celebrated our 6th anniversary two weeks ago.

And the best thing that has happened to us is this little girl...

I am grateful for my forever family.

Brent and Brooke - December '07
Pretty Girl - May '09
Me and my Girl - Thanksgiving Day '09

Hey Y'all - it's fall!

I know that you already know it is fall but I use every chance I get to say "y'all." I thought before we moved to Tejas that people here would say it everywhere I went. Truthfully: i don't really ever hear anyone say it. Ok - good. Now that we have that over with.

Playing has become a necessity in this household. It sounds vague and generic, and most of you probably think I don't even know what I'm talking about because we have one kid, but I'll explain. Brooke is learning that she loves to Go-Go-Go! In between naps and when Brent gets home, she is totally an energizer bunny. She has become the queen of the house because she takes over every room, drawer and cupboard before I can catch her! Because of this, you will often find us at the park in the evenings because I usually have to get us all out the door into fresh air to help her get her energy out. I can't imagine what she'll be like in a year from now! It is rare that I get really great pictures of her anymore because she won't hold still long enough to actually look. Although there is one great one in this post. But the point is, it's October and still so hot and warm in the evenings here. And I really don't miss the typical fall weather that I'm used to. This is the new fall to me, and I'm ok with it.

Brent is still so tan... see?

We love hangin out with this happy little girl, Olivia. We got to watch her on Saturday and it was fun and interesting to watch Brooke's reaction. Also, a short 5-hour insight to two kids. Although, I'm sure not close to the real thing! And no, I am not alluding to ANYTHING. Thank Heavens.

This is what she begs for all day long. She just wants to drink, drink, drink. I have to hide this hospital mug of mine or she whines until she gets it.

Notice HER sippy cup to the side on the floor? ARGH.

A few weeks ago, we moved on to the next room and painted the kitchen!

It took me a few days, but now I really love it. It looks MUCH more yellow in this picture than it really is. It is actually very subtle and closer to a cream color in natural light.

I have been baking like crazy lately! Last wednesday I made bread, 7 dozen muffins to freeze for breakfast for the next several months, and pumpkin butter. Can't get enough of it and I have seriously got to calm it down because my thighs do not need this! And I know I'm lame for taking pictures of my food but I've got to have something to keep myself busy here don't I? Just love me for who I am. Thanks.

Here's the apricot caramel crunch cake I posted about awhile ago.

And I made bread for the first time! Yes, I should have known how to do this long ago, but I just never have! The result: hey it turned out, isn't that good enough? Actually, it was pretty good, but the texture was not perfect. Good thing I have years ahead of me to perfect it.

Our friend, Tyler, from Berkeley was in town and stayed the night in our guestroom. He is a very close friend of Brent's and we loved having him here! In fact, they are going to train together long distance to run the St. George marathon in '09 which is exactly one year from this past weekend! Shouldn't be hard for them to get in since Brent's Dad runs the marathon.

Watching General Conference this weekend was the best part of this fall season. I have been looking foward to it for some time and I always cry when it's over because it's so wonderful to be that uplifted for two days! It has brought a stronger spirit into our home that I will be responsible for keeping and upholding. Our world is changing and there are difficult things taking place, most of which we have no control over. But the gospel of Jesus Christ will ALWAYS be a constant. The lord will always carry us through trial and tribulation as we are obedient and righteous because he is bound to do so. Isn't that an amazing blessing that we have? The work will continue to move forward as evidenced by 5 new temples, one of which in Rome, Italy was music to Brent's ears and so exciting for him to hear! My testimony was strengthened and I feel a greater resolve to be a more patient and loving wife and mother, more fervent in my prayers and scripture study, stronger in my faith and hope, more open in my attempts to share the gospel, and especially more thankful to a Heavenly Father whom I know loves me, knows me and is watching over and taking care of me and my family. Do you know all of these things to be true in your life? If not, I urge you to! The sweet peace of the gospel is the best joy that any of us can feel in this life, and I am so glad to feel it.

Happy Fall, Friends.

The Seasons of Life

The is one of those "reflective-Bethany" posts. I just wanted to let you know before hand, because y'all know how those can get! Sometimes I am truly fascinated by life. We have periods of highs, and times of great trial, or months of just coasting along for the ride. I went to my first enrichment meeting in our ward last week (which was the first one I have been to in years without being on the committee planning it!) and it was a spa night. We went to three different classes where girls taught us about celebrating the season of life we are in, remembering our divine nature as daughters of God, not being too hard on ourselves and looking to Heavenly Father for help, etc. I was so inspired and it felt so wonderful. It was the kind of uplifting, spiritual high I needed. Tonight I feel so much gratitude. In fact, I almost feel a sort of bliss. It is the sort of gratitude where I feel a sense of peace that I am being watched over, and taken care of. We were at a friend's house for dinner tonight and I felt "at home." What a wonderful blessing that is to have friends like that when family is so far away. To say I feel gratitude would actually be an understatement.

I am sharing this and writing it down for myself because I feel it is so important to document these positive days as a comfort or guide to reference to when some days are hard. Brent has been out of town on business all week and I have been dreading this for months. I thought I would be lonely and miserable and feel no motivation to get dressed and clean my house, and that Brooke would get sick of being with Mom all day long. But, I have been blessed and I have felt help from heaven uplifting me! On the flip side, Brooke has done really well. This has given me the chance to really focus just on her, and give all of my attention to what she wants to do. She has been so much fun and I feel like we have bonded. As I was putting her to bed tonight, I had a mommy moment. I'm sure any Mom reading this knows what I mean. I was holding her and rocking her; it was quiet, and she was still. I could feel her love for me, and at that moment my love for her was overwhelming. She has changed my life and she made me a mother. She teaches more each day and has brought me more joy that I ever thought having a baby would. I won't go into too much more detail for fear of getting too personal (like I already haven't!) but I will just say that it was a wonderful heart-to-heart, spirit-to-spirt moment between mother and daughter, a tender mercy, if you will.

A serious of random pictures follow...

Pigtails.

Cutest smile.

Playdate with Olivia and Kaiyah a few weeks ago.

Playing with the VCR

The two most important people in my life - hangin' out on a Sunday afternoon.

We haven't been up to much lately. Nothing too exciting or very noteworthy to post about. Just enjoying each day as it comes and looking forward to fall and all the holidays. I am learning to truly love and appreciate the "season" of my life right now and focus on the responsibilities I have TODAY, and I love the fall season that is approaching. Life is good. Life is grand. Life - is BEAUTIFUL.

***

Thanks for reading my extremely untailored and random post tonight. Felt good to purge.

Friends: Old and New

This post is a post that reveals candid thoughts and feelings by me (Bethany).

I've been a little homesick tonight. Homesick not necessarily for "home," because Texas is my home now but for people, places, family and friends that are more familiar and that know me well. Some of the friends that I have been missing lifted my spirits tonight. I was able to talk to a couple of them on googletalk, and they'll never know how much better they made me feel! Even though thousands of miles separate us, I'm able to communicate with old friends online and they encourage me and tell me that everything will be ok. We've moved and are settled but I am realizing more than ever now what a huge component the emotional part of moving can be (again, candid). It's hard to come to a new place and know no one, and no one knows you or anything about you and start all over. Has anyone ever felt like this? To me, it's no fun at all! Harder this time than the last for some reason. Harder than I hoped it would be (sorry, still candid). But thanks to great girls who are now "old friends" (only in the sense that our friendship is already established and they know me), who have encouraged me that - gosh darn it, I'm good enough and "new friends" will come as I give it time. I love it and I feel refreshed to start a new week here in San Antone. Thanks, girls, you know who you are. :)

A new meaning

(This post is a little early because we leave in the morning)

I love that we get to celebrate our Dad's for a whole day. They deserve it for all of the hard work they do. And it's a new meaning to me now because I have a child that has such a wonderful Dad, whom I am also privileged to be with! Brooke is so lucky to have this guy as her Dad. I'm excited to keep watching him exceed my expectations as he continues to be a fantastic Father. This is really one of the best parts about motherhood. Happy first father's day, Brent! You're the best Daddy EVER. Ever, ever. ever!

Dear Berkeley Friends,

"I'd like to be the sort of friend that you have been to me. . . I'd like to be the help you've always been glad to be; I'd like to mean as much to you each minute of the day, as you have meant, old friend of mine, to me along the way."

L to R: Jenn, Rachel, Erika, Becca, Kelly, Karen, Britney, Me

at our "Goodbye barbeque" that Karen put on

These girlfriends (and a few others not pictured here) have been my lifeline here in Berkeley and I am saddened at the thought of leaving them behind. Lets just hope that there are girls who are this fabulous in Texas. I could write many words about each of them, things I have learned from them, and how they have inspired me, but I won't for the sake of boring any readers. They are all amazing women and I feel grateful to be able to call them my friends.

"The Tastle" part II

Well, he did it! He graduated! We're done! We had a really fun day. Take out sitting for 3 hours in 95 degree weather (poor Brent in his gown!) and we had the best day with our parents. They all traveled from Utah and we're so grateful they came. My Mom and I decorated the door and the apartment this morning and after graduation we had a great dinner! A few fun pictures from the day... (and the first of our "goodbye" posts)

Berkeley is Beautiful

The title of this post was chosen carefully. I am in a reflective mood and have many bittersweet feelings that I need to write down, or spout out, or share with "the blog world." Brent came home tonight gleaming because today he finished MBA school. He is done with every final, has given every presentation, has written all of his papers, and has said goodbye to the Haas School of Business. And for some odd, strange, and weird reason I was in disbelief. How did that happen? We just moved to Berkeley. Brooke was just barely born. Heck, we just got married. But wait-we've been married for 4 years, still... reflective.. how did that happen, where did the time go? We now have a child! (I KNOW how that happened.) And now we're done with graduate school and we're supposed to just say goodbye to "the student life" and enter the real world of more bills, more kids (this implies nothing in the near future), maybe a mortgage, and more real, adult responsibilities? I digress-

Brent started studying for the GMAT in 2005 and the preparation for MBA school began. He spent many months including many saturdays taking online courses and practice tests. He took the test and did much better than his goal! Our plan was this: MBA school at BYU with (hopefully) a scholarship, get an awesome job in Utah to jumpstart his dream career, and settle ourselves in the Beehive state for good. But when his score was as good as it was (sorry to brag) we both realized we should probably look at other opportunities. So, he decided to apply to Berkeley. Just like that. It wasn't that I thought he wouldn't get in, but I never thought in a million years that we'd come here. In fact, I was pretty against it (don't judge me, any 'berkeleyites' reading this.) I was born and raised in Utah. I'm a homebody. I like being where I'm comfortable. And Berkeley was going to threaten my level of comfort and perfect homeostasis in Utah. Well, he got in, and it was a pretty strong affirmation in both of our minds and hearts that brought us here. Yet, still opposed and cautious (me, not really Brent). A month and a half went by and I got a job here and pretty much had to pray that I'd be able to make it throught the day. Yes, it was that bad. But it fulfilled it's purpose for the first year because a week after I started, I found out I was pregnant, and I qualified for their excellent maternity coverage. Looks like someone was watching out for me. My life consisted of spending two hours a day on BART, 8 hours at the office, bed at 8 p.m. (I was prego) church being the BIGGEST highlight of my week, and any 1/2 hour that I was lucky enough to spend with Brent in his very busy first year. Oh, and counting down the days on my calendar until Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring Break. Ok, so anyone still reading... I guess I was a real "Debbie Downer!" ha! Hopefully you won't think different of me. And here is the 'meat' of this post:

As I have moved from one experience to the next in my life, the same cycle seems to take place. Example: I'm nervous at the beginning, in the middle of it, I look forward to the end, and at the end, I'm sad. What an interesting phenomenon! We have spent only 21 months in Berkeley and it has taken me until about month 17 or 18 to realize this and that I need to LIVE IN THE NOW. Brent and I have learned and grown beyond what we ever pictured for our time here. It has been hard. There have been challenges. Business school is busy, Berkeley is expensive, and certain health problems haven't helped. But all that matters in the end of each era of our lives is what we've learned, how we've grown, and the lessons that we'll never forget. And speaking specifically about Berkeley: the amazing people that changed our lives (too many to name, but if you're reading this you're probably one of them), a place that we had our first child and began the quest of learning to be parents, learning to live on a very tight budget, making the most of the limited time we had together, the beauty and grandeur of the San Francisco Bay area, the incredible food and fun that was eaten and had, the way that Brent and I will be forever changed for the better because of being here, living here and experiencing life in this way. I don't know if we'll ever come back and live in the Bay area, but I hope we are able to visit. But for all of these reasons, and many more, to me, Berkeley truly is Beautiful.

4 years ago today....

We got married! Brent had graduated the day before so he got a diploma and a wife all in one weeked. It was a busy day at the temple. I think there were around 65 weddings that day. But I wouldn't have changed what we did. The weather was gorgeous, the ceremony was wonderful and our wedding dinner was quite the celebration! I look back on that day as truly the greatest of my life.

This guy is a dream come true for me. Phew! Is this sappy or what? Really, though.. If you wanna hear our story, ask us sometime. But I'll just say that it took Brent a little longer to realize that I was what he wanted and I knew pretty soon that he was absolutely what I wanted. As soon as I met him, I remember mentally checking off things in my head.. all those charactertistics that you think of when you're little, or at least I did. And besides all of that-he's Italian. What more could a girl want? Maybe we'll make it to Italy in another four years together! Thanks for the four years we've had, Brent. They have been the happiest four years of my life thus far!